and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
