we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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