I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
