Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
