It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
