it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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