I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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