He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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