I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
