WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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