This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize