I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
