What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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