margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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