umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
