If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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