It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize