D3 body, D1 cock
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
