oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I die, sorry about rent.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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