When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
