Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
