Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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