We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
