I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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