I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
