I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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