i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
