i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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