Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
