Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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