I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
