Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
