i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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