kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
