I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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