Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
