Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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