The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize