all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
