you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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