tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
