Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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