Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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