so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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