I love black thongs
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I need water and some morals
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
