if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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