i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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