she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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