We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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