biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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