The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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