Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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