Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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