i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
