I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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