Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize