i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
