She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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