I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
