he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
