Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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