You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
