Michael Bay diarrhea
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
