I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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