Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
