i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
