Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
