Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Enjoy the penises
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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