I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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