you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
