She's JV to your varsity
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
