My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
