He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
