This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
