great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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