remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
