I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was confusing and full of hummus
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize