Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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