Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
