No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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