I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
